yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize