elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
