Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
