No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
