Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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