Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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