he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
