you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
