he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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