I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
