i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
