i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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