I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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