I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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