im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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