I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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