if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So squirting runs in the family.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
