The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
