everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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