I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
