i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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