I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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