Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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