its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
