he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
