we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
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I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
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And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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