You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
