I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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