Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
