he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
