like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
