if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
