I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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