apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
