you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
where are my eyebrows?
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