Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
