actually, I'm a sock model
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
