she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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