She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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