Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
