Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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