If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize