also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
