Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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