My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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