plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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