I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
