So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
