The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
