There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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