he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
