if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just googled if crying burns calories
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
