i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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