Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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