Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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