yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
