and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
