I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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