I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
