I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
