I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
