Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
