so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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