:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
