Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
