I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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