I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
