I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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