Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
