Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
